Happiness

Babied? That brought back this nightmarish memory:

I was walking in the park with my baby in her carrier and she started to get cranky because it was near feeding time. Still new to doing it in public I looked for a more private place to sit and found a bench with an old man at one end dozing.

I sat down, juggled with getting baby situated and the carrier off. I unzipped my hoodie and got baby on my nipple. As she does, she'd drink a little while looking at me, then let go of my nipple while she smiled, then root for my nipple again. This happened over and over so my nipple was exposed over and over but only for a few seconds. Then she reached inside my hoodie and started twiddling my other nipple like she does. It's always enjoyable at home but I was still getting used to it in front of people, I began to notice most people don't really pay it no mind. You have the ones who disapprove but even they don't look long.

Suddenly I hear the man on the bench shifting around and he says Mornin sweetie. He's looking at my baby so I think he's just cooing over her but he scooted over closer and I can smell cigarettes and booze on him. He's definitely looking at my boobs. He wasn't right next to me so I didn't feel threatened but I wasn't super comfortable either but once Stella gets situated she puts up such a loud fuss if I interrupt her that I just stayed there. People were walking and bicycling by so it wasn't like it was a dark alley.

Stella twiddled my other nipple more vigorously and my hoodie slid over exposing my breast and the man leaned forward a little to get a better view. I tried to shut my top but Stella went to thinking it was a game or getting cranky again so I did the best I could but for much of the time my boobs were out.

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The man moved a bit closer and said don't worry I'm giving you space I just lookin at your cute baby. He's right he didn't move too close but he was looking at my boobs. It was cringy but I gotta say I was feelin a bit tingly between my legs with a strange man looking at me. He made more small talk and I just mostly smiled. When I shifted Stella to my other boob I didn't try to cover up and he reached over and was tickling her cheek and saying coochie koo. She laughed and I laughed and he laughed. When I got her on the nipple again she wasn't twiddling but I left my other boob out. Her head was on the side he was on now so he moved closer saying she had such a cute face but now he had a clear view of my boobs.

With him closer I could smell the stale booze and see his bloodshot eyes. His clothes looked old and worn and I thought he was still drunk and prolly homeless. He tickled Stellas cheek again but he let his fingers graze over my boob. Stella giggled and my nipple popped out of her mouth and he's pushing my nipple telling Stella don't do that, don't let me keep you from eating. Before I really thought I was actually letting him stick his finger on my nipple as she started nursing again.. Even though she hadn't emptied that boob I switched her back to the other one. The man sat back reaching into his jacket pocket pulled out a small bottle of booze and swigged it back. Then he was talking to Stella again saying I'm drinking my breakfast too but yours looks better than mine. I laughed at him and (I don't know why) jokingly squeezed my drippy boob and milk sprayed out a little. I laughed and he just leaned over, I thought he was going to latch on but he just stared and was saying that's a beautiful thing right there, almost crying.

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Stella wasn't getting much out of my drained boob so I switched her back. As timing would have it a woman walked by with a frown saying some people just don't know how to be decent. A blanket wouldn't hurt! I told the man I was going someplace more private and struggled with Stella, my bag and the carrier and the old man said let me get that for you and grabbed up the carrier. I walked into the grassy area behind the bench. It wasn't secluded but bushes kept it from being right out there.

I asked the man if he could get the blanket out of the bag and spread it on the grass so I could sit down. I sat down and he stood looking down at me as I got Stella in place and I invited him to sit down patting the ground on my right while Stella was sucking on my left boob. The old man sat down watching Stella drink. I'm not sure what possessed me but I uncovered my boob closest to him. It took a minute but he reached over and just ran his finger over my nipple. I've always been sensitive there even when I started breastfeeding so the touch was definitely arousing. My nipple was already pokey with Stella nursing but his touch made it real hard. Some milk dribbled out and he brought his finger to his mouth to taste it and reached back to squeeze my boob. More milk dribbled and he licked that off his finger again and then again.

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I looked around and nobody was nearby. I kinda gestured like he should come closer and I asked if he wanted some. He bent over and started to suck like a wild man, then rested his head back on my thigh and started sucking slowly. Normally I don't get aroused nursing my baby but now with both nipples being sucked I was getting tingly. The man smelled terrible but I felt like he was being appreciative so that was kind of a weird turn on. Maybe because I hadn't had sex in a long time? idk. He sucked and fondled my boob and for a few minutes I just closed my eyes enjoying both my nipples being stimulated. Stella started to doze off, my nipple falling out of her mouth and I pulled a nappie out of the bag and laid her on it to sleep.

The man quickly scooted himself over to suckle on that nipple, really getting some milk now. He was getting a little rough squeezing both my boobs pretty hard. This old smelly stranger was groping and suckling on me and I was getting super horny. I laid down when he started easing me back and then laid down on top of me. He went back and forth sucking one nipple then the other, he was getting rougher and rougher grabbing my breasts tight and trying to get them totally in his mouth.

Before I knew he was pinching my nipples and pulling and twisting them as he moved up and was kissing my chest then my collarbone and neck. He full on kissed me shoving his gross tongue in my throat and I thought my stomach would turn from the taste and smell. When he started grinding on me I panicked. I tried to move and he held me down tightly and started chewing on my nipples as he pumped between my legs. I tried to say something and he held his hand over my mouth. He reached his other hand down and had his dick out, trying to get me to touch it but I wouldn't. He pumped and pumped until I felt the wetness on my stomach and thighs.

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He was breathing his stinky breath on my face and was sucking hard on my neck. One side then the other. He was grunting and trying to kiss me again. This all happened so quickly that I had almost forgotten Stella until I heard her cry. He jumped up and I did too reaching for Stella because I was afraid what he'd do. I was trying to close my top and he told me to keep it open and he stood there looking at me with crazy eyes while he rubbed his dick. I felt like I was paralyzed. He told me to play with my tits and I refused. I didn't want to participate in his sexual perversion. I didn't want him to view me as a willing partner.

When I pulled my hoodie closed and just glared at him, he started to get nervous and looked around. With his dick still hanging out he took off in a staggering run. I quickly gathered my things and jogged as quick as I could to my car. Stella was sobbing when I got her in her seat and jumped in. I drove off like a maniac and went home and showered. I was disgusted with myself because the more I reflected on it the more I knew that I had asked for it. He may not have done a thing if I hadn't acted slutty or flirty. Then it would disgust me because I was embarrassed that I could do something like that for a disgusting man like that. I still shudder thinking someone could have seen me. I went to church that weekend to confess but I lied. I just can't stop thinking about it and I am so disgusted with myself and embarrassed.

So there's my confession. I will never tell anybody else about it ever. Never ever.