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Self punishment question.

I do hurt myself, punishment I guess, but I can't figure out why I do such things and now the need to know is much greater.
I sometimes use electricity to punish myself, a car battery charger is what I use. A copper pipe up the rear and electrified dangling wires with nuts and bolts attached to shock my genitals. I tie myself up and that is where the real punishment begins because I must get loose. I did that last week and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get loose. It got me scared especially when a bolt got lodged under my scrotum so it was constantly shocking me there, burning me. I ended up yelling out, then screaming out while bouncing up and down and shifting myself side to side trying to unlodge the bolt and as soon as it would come free and nut or another bolt would get stuck all over again. Then I heard my landlady calling in at the door and then I heard her key opening and there she was. She stood there a moment and then she said, " What in the hell is going on." I just said, "turn it off" but she didn't she said, "first I want to know why you think you need to do this to yourself." I told her that I didn't know but she wouldn't accept my answer. I ended up making up a story about raping someone and she believed that story so I thought that it was over and then she pointed out that the switch on the battery charger could put it at a much higher 24 volt 10 amps setting and then she pushed it. MY body went crazy from that much electricity and she started yelling at me that she had been raped and yelling "How's your dick like that huh? How's your balls feel now Huh? When she finally turned it off I told her that I had lied but she wouldn't believe me, telling me that I was punishing myself when she came in the room because of what I had done and that was proof that I was guilty. I ended up going to the emergency room and I got told that I may be sterile and I would have to see a specialist to find out for sure. Now I want to know the real reason why I was doing that self punishment thing.

Next Confession

Went camping naked!

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      • You had beter be mor careful or you may end up without your balls and dick.

      • I do agree with your land lady that you did something pretty bad and thus she gave you your just dues.

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