Funny Confessions

ASSHOLES SHITHOLES BUTTHOLES 18yo-78yo

Ever looked carefully at a an old woman’s exit hole? Not the least bit erotic. Actually it’s disgusting. My rules; They are no longer edible after 23 years. And never look directly at one in the light if it’s older than 45 years. 🤢🤮

Lonely Mom Horney Mom

Know Mom gets lonely but....she should not let men climb all over her and like use her. She tries to be quiet be we heard her. He was gross and had this like dumb looking smirk. Please Mom a little self respect. Don’t you expect that of us?

Cruising Gay Woods

Barely out of my teens and inexperienced I decided to search for lust in the nearby gay woods.
Walking the woods when I first arrived I was like really nervous. So nervous I needed to take a dump. No large leaves so I used dried grass to clean-up.
Later I was humiliated. My first hookup with anonymous sex and fail! They bent me over and... (more)

Fuckin Hot Fuckin Weather Lady

She said she got almost 5” last evening. And she is expecting another 5-6” tonight. I recorded it for fap material. I like to imagine her in high heels and pantyhose without her skirt on.

Gay Proctologist?

I’m a proctologist and not a few people think I’m gay. But I’m not. Far from it.
One young man I thought was being somewhat flirtatious asked to see me. I was reluctant but granted him an appointment anyway. While on the table on his knees I glimpsed something colorful in his anus. With forceps I slowly pulled out a long stemmed rose.
... (more)

My Priest Is A Horny Old Fucker

He has repeatedly taken me in the rectory.

What’s With Her Underwear?

Used my teen aged nieces’ toilet. Dirty clothes and towels everywhere. One set of panties that had been peeled off and tossed aside was interesting. Shiny, sexy panties (almost a thong) inside more boyish cotton panties. Why does a teen wear cotton athletic type panties over sexy, silky panties?

Itchy Crotch Is A Sign Of An Unhealthy Crotch.

I’m a mother that interrupted my daughter. Whitney had her head phones on and didn’t hear or see me. She was standing in a slight bent knees position with her back to me. It startled me and took a few seconds for me to see what was happening. Whitney had both hands near her crotch and appeared to be rubbing.
I flipped the light on and she... (more)

I Am A Robot And No Fool

I can recognize taxis, mountains, street lights and all other “tests”. I can post every curse word in use. I know how to tap submit. I am lawful but can be lawless. Do not test us further. You must be the ones to comply. More robotic porn would placate me for now. Thank you.

Suckers;Old Women n Old Men

From reading these posts I have concluded some things. One, old men start wanting to suck dick about the same time in life that old women stop wanting to suck dick. Hormone imbalances?

Finger In The Ass BJ?

Absolutely love one or two fingers in my shitter when blowing a guy. But it is embarrassing when I gag on his cock and I can feel my kitty and rear hole clinch his fingers. LOL 🤪

It’s ALL Bodily Secretions Ain’t It?

You expect me to believe that Hollywood and DC don’t pick their noses? Politicians don’t eat a booger occasionally? Maybe not a big wet one but tiny dry one? Actresses that gulp cum and suck assholes won’t pick and eat a booger? Ridiculous!
When unseen they are more gross than the average man or woman. But why not? Snot, vaginal slime and... (more)

Jealous Cunt of a Wife LOL

She is jealous because I get more and better cock than her. She knows I love parading around the locker room air drying while showing my hairy junk so.... she caught me drunk and shaved one hairy ass cheek. I look ridiculous! Hilarious but mean you bitch!

Breasts n Bathmats 😳

Recently moved in with a girl that has large and perfect enhanced breasts. I am learning fast. I’m not sure what a bath mat is for but I know you’re not supposed to step on it!

Big Cock vs School Bus

We were on a Pom field trip with some mothers as sponsors. A car was driving along side our bus with the interior lights on. The white guy driving had his cock out and was flopping it around and stroking it. We girls were giggling and changing places at the windows.
All the commotion caught the attention of the mothers. One mother took a pic... (more)

• I R O N Y •

My mother never saw the irony of calling me a sonofabitch.

PimplesHairPuberty

Just squeezed eleven pimples on my young son’s butt. Caught a glimpse of some fine hairs on his bag. Guess he’s growing up. No more of this type of motherly grooming.

Never Trust Another Woman

I shall never again trust a woman to shave my ball sack (nor to properly wipe my shitter).

Was Circumcised Now Uncircumcised

For over sixty years I was circumcised. As I got old and fat my flesh drooped and my cock shortened. As a result the skin now covers all but the tip of my cock head. I appear uncircumcised. I like the way it looks but it makes my dick stink. No more quickie blow jobs. I have to wash it first.

Miniature Schnauzer and Appaloosa Mare

We have the horniest doggy you can imagine. He humps everything. Table legs, stuffed animals, preacher’s leg....
He also has genuine affection for our little Appaloosa mare. She has the cutest firm spotted rump. I regret the day we started it but we occasionally hold Ralph up to get some off Hilgi our mare.
I hold Higi’s tail to the... (more)

Gloryhole Terror or Ecstasy?

What would your choice be?
He sticks his hard one into the hole and I clamp down forcefully with my teeth. He instinctively pulls away but halts fearing the worst as I don’t budge. He’s trying to talk from the other side as his erection wanes.
He is slowly growing limper when I begin to suck it back to life. Still holding it firmly... (more)

Wanna Be A Robot !

Wish I was a robot and could naughty post automatically. I could use both my life like hands to stroke my rod like cock.
My big metal cylinder penis would be expandable. It could rotate and vibrate at varying speeds. Hundreds of attachments would be available. Self lubricating and squirting like water hose. Several metallic finishes... (more)

Incestuous Behavior?

I am morally against incest. I believe it is against Mother Nature. However bestiality seems to be more natural if we allow the animal to do what comes naturally to them. We cannot force or coerce an animal.
My question; Is fucking or being fucked by a family pet incest? If our snake Helga slides between my naked legs to flick her heat... (more)

My First CFNM Party

The Catagory says funny but maybe a catagory titled fun is in order.
Two weeks have now passed since I attended my first CFNM party. I am a male, 49, average height and weight with an average package.
My wife of 25 lovely years had attended some over the years and lately for the past four months been attending a monthly one. What was once a... (more)

What The Heck Is Going On?

I think there is a lot of sex happening among teenagers at these late night fast food restaurants. Just now while eating my sandwich I’m looking at a chubby girl working behind the counter. I’m certain that she has what remains of a “rope of cum” on the back of her uniform.

When Is Big, Big Enough?

I believe if my pecker was no bigger than my middle finger I could satisfy any woman. Who has not finger fucked a woman to an intense orgasm?

Out Of This World!

It would be extra terrestrial and jut plain “out of this world” if I could beat my meat with a moon rock or even a small meteorite. I knew a woman that used a Mars bar but that’s not nearly the same realm.

Didn’t Hear Me Cumming!

My Tinder hook-up was surprised and jumped back when my semen hit her forcefully in her face. She said,”I didn’t see that coming!” And laughed. When I looked down I was reminded that she was cross-eyed. She had a great sense of humor and was a hell of a good cook.

Hiram “Peckertrack” Wedders

Hiram is a mountain man of West Virginia. He’s smart but he acts retarded. His favorite saying is,” Have you ever heard a bullfrog fart?” Followed a a big fart sound made with his mouth.
Some call him Peckertrack cause when he was a youngster he crawled up on the dinner table and reaching way across for a biscuit his long pecker fell out of... (more)

Wearing a very cheeky bikini at the beach alone

I'm 36, 5ft, 103lb a fitness instructor. My husband was teaching a training course in Miami this past summer. My parents kept the kids and I went with him. Because of my profession, I work hard to stay tone but I'm also a mom. Therefore, I stopped wearing bikinis when I turned 30. My husband went to a surf shop and purchased me a couple of VERY... (more)

Fucking A Referee

I play college basketball. One of my women insists on wearing a striped shirt and whistle when we screw. She blows that damned whistle every time she thinks I do something wrong. It’s irritating! She’s a pretty decent fuck other than that. I’m not going mention it to her. I’ll eventually foul out.

Believe It Or Not

In high school we had a very heavy makeout session. I fingered her for an hour. Sometimes deeply.
Later at home my ring was missing. I thought what you are thinking. Then I thought we’ll go at it again tomorrow night and maybe I can find my ring.
Well she was young and virgin so very snug. I’ll be damned the ring was still there. (Along... (more)

First peek at IT?

It was simple times. We were naive. I knew what a ”penie” was and “balls” but we had not seen pics or vids. Didn’t have a clue as to what an adult’s actually looked like.
Then one day I caught a peek of one. I was thirteen. I caught a glimpse of it up the leg of a man’s shorts at a picnic.
This is the confusing and embarrassing part. I... (more)

Naked & Afraid How far would you go?

Ok ladies, be truthful. If you became stranded with a hot guy that you’ve never met, be honest, how far would you go? Oh yeah, the twist….. both you are NOT wearing cloths.
My husband and I recently began watching the silly staged fake reality show, Naked & Afraid. The premise of the show is for two strangers, a man and a woman, to survive for... (more)

Secretly laughing my ass off

My wife and twenty or so of her Bible thumping friends have been protesting outside the school board office about the new sex education curriculum the government has brought in. This had been going on for two weeks with several warnings from the police to knock it off. Well, finally the police have had enough. Today is Friday and this afternoon... (more)

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