I am a secret faggot

I hide a secret from everyone, in public i am seen as a total alpha male but inside i desire to be taken and used by men. i have always known this and have acted on the urges a few times, but i still cannot find the one to treat me as i need to be treated.
the need to be called out and made to admit to him that i am not gay or bi but i am a faggot, yes i know very derogatory to some but because of how i act that is how i see myself, the lowest most vile description of myself.
one who secretly hides his desires to suck cock and be taken by real men, to be made to admit i was born to suck cock, admit i am embarrassed by my small dick and that i fantasize daily of being used by others in front of others as i admit to them what i truly am