I want to piss myself
Often when I'm sitting on the couch and have to pee, I have a strong urge to just let go where I am and piss myself. It doesn't feel sexual, and it isn't tied to any substance use. I'm perfectly capable of getting up and going to the bathroom, I just don't want to. I'd rather wet my pants and the couch. I've never actually done it. I always chicken out and rush to the bathroom at the last minute.
The closest I get is occasionally peeing out my back door into the yard, which I only do late at night when it's unlikely anyone will see me. I have also, on rare occasions, peed on the floor of the bathroom or into the tub, but I always immediately clean it up so no one notices.
But what I really want is to just lie there and piss myself. Maybe the fact that it's harder to immediately clean that up? I guess I want to get caught?
I don't know. It's definitely a weird impulse.