Ashamed but aroused

About 10 years ago, when I was drunk (not an excuse) I sexually assaulted my 9 year old step-daughter, she’s now 19, and when we are alone she brings it up, but now she as resorted to blackmail, with a twist.
She is demanding sex as and when she wants in exchange for her silence.
This arouses me, but I’m ashamed all the same

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