I Married my rapist

I know I know it's crazy. In fact I am still married to him after a year.
I met him at a bar, walked home, he followed me, raped me brutally in my backyard, and left.
I remember
Feeling worthless, I don't have any good friends and I couldn't tell my parents. I had bruises on my thighs and my lips, I still heard
Him calling my name while he was inside me, saying he hoped to see me again like nothing had happened.
I never called the cops, I still don't know why, but! Later he was arrested for punching a man in a bar or something. By that time, I got pregnant with his child! And I grew up horribly without a father, I didn't want my child to be that way. And I thought nobody would want to raise a child from a rapist with me.
So, I visited him. I told him it was his child, and I wanted him to be in his child's life, I wanted our kid to have that. He agreed, and held my hand since I got emotional. When he got out, he said he wanted to live with me, because he had only a tiny home, so I let him into my house, he was very kind to me, I occasionally forgot he was my rapist, I did for a while. But then? Six months after I gave birth, we were watching tv together while my beautiful child Charles was sleeping, then, his hand went up my thigh, then he kissed me, touched me and we had sex. He would want to have sex every second the child was sleeping, anywhere in the house, I got used to the routine. Then we got married. That's all really, maybe I felt I should because we had a child, had sex, we might as well get married. He tells me he loves me all the time. He can be very strict with me, never with Cjarles, he adores Charles, but he can be agressive with me. I always apologize, I feel grateful that he's agreed to raise our child. He's slapped me. Only once, but it set a certain respect I guess? This is fucked up, but I think I love him. I haven't told a soul, and I've wanted to let it out. Thanks for reading.

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5 Comments

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  • I grew up with an abusive father and I know it’s hard to believe, but some people you love can still be very bad for you. I love my father but Ive been much better off without him in my life ever since I stopped seeing him when I was 15. In the 5 years since then dealing with the trauma of the abuse has been significantly much harder than ‘not having a father’. Ive researched abusive behavior and the cycle of abuse before and he seems abusive. and I know he hasn’t hurt Charles but you have to remember that Charles is only a young child and you’d have to be an absolute monster to hurt a child that young. it’s possible that he could end up treating Charles the way he treats you when he gets older (which is what I experienced, even though my dad ADORED me). Or it’s possible that Charles could end up learning that’s its ok to threat people (especially significant others) he same way he treats you. I know this might be hard to hear but I would suggest leaving him and getting evidence of him trying to abuse/control you (if you don’t want him to have custody of the child). Anyway, I hope things turn out well for you and your family.

  • Well, that's a bad situation you have yourself in, I do wish you the best. To be honest, it sounds like he's turning around, being a little more responsible, even if he did hit you. I say that if he continues improving, and he keeps hitting you to an absolute minimum, then you should stay with him, and accept the bond between you and him that he obviously wants to have. In fact, if you ask me, I think that maybe you should look back and just forget that he technically raped you, I know it was wrong, and horrible of him, but it could have been an honest mistake of a very drunk man, thinking you wanted it dispite your attempts to stop him.
    Now, unless he's raping someone else or you again, I'd say he's changed, and he'll be a good father for your and his child. Again I wish you all the best, and I hope Charles grows up to be a responsible and good man.

  • Respectfully I think this is terrible advice he doesn’t seem to be getting better at all. In fact I think he might getting worse. Because he’s being strict and aggressive and demanding sex even if (and I’m just assuming this from of context) you don’t particularly want to have sex

  • Rape is sexy....

  • I guess some people think that - mine was not at all. It was - never mind.

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