I Married my rapist

I know I know it's crazy. In fact I am still married to him after a year.
I met him at a bar, walked home, he followed me, raped me brutally in my backyard, and left.
I remember
Feeling worthless, I don't have any good friends and I couldn't tell my parents. I had bruises on my thighs and my lips, I still heard
Him calling my name while he was inside me, saying he hoped to see me again like nothing had happened.
I never called the cops, I still don't know why, but! Later he was arrested for punching a man in a bar or something. By that time, I got pregnant with his child! And I grew up horribly without a father, I didn't want my child to be that way. And I thought nobody would want to raise a child from a rapist with me.
So, I visited him. I told him it was his child, and I wanted him to be in his child's life, I wanted our kid to have that. He agreed, and held my hand since I got emotional. When he got out, he said he wanted to live with me, because he had only a tiny home, so I let him into my house, he was very kind to me, I occasionally forgot he was my rapist, I did for a while. But then? Six months after I gave birth, we were watching tv together while my beautiful child Charles was sleeping, then, his hand went up my thigh, then he kissed me, touched me and we had sex. He would want to have sex every second the child was sleeping, anywhere in the house, I got used to the routine. Then we got married. That's all really, maybe I felt I should because we had a child, had sex, we might as well get married. He tells me he loves me all the time. He can be very strict with me, never with Cjarles, he adores Charles, but he can be agressive with me. I always apologize, I feel grateful that he's agreed to raise our child. He's slapped me. Only once, but it set a certain respect I guess? This is fucked up, but I think I love him. I haven't told a soul, and I've wanted to let it out. Thanks for reading.

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  • Rape is sexy....

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